We've all had the experience of having to say something to someone we like and respect, but we know they're either not going to like it, or worse, it's going to have a negative impact on them. It could be telling your boss you're quitting a job, giving feedback to your parents or partner about something they've said or done that's upset you, or perhaps even letting a friend know you've heard something negative about them.

Here are some quick tips or making talking about it easier - for them and for you:

Warn them first

Let them know you have something to say to them that's important and you'd like to make a time to talk with them, probably for an hour. If they say, "Tell me now," don't. Politely say you don't have the time straight away and you'd rather make another time. Arrange a private or anonymous - and preferably neutral - place to meet, like a cafe, meeting room or shared lounge area.

Work out what your intented outcome is

Many people script and rehearse what they think they and the other person are going to say in difficult conversations. The trouble is the other person nearly always goes off script and then you don't know how to respond. A better way, I once read and have had success with, is to work out what you intend the outcome of the interaction to be. For example, you may want to finish the conversation with:

• An agreed exit strategy from a job that ensures a good replacement is found.
• Your parent or partner knowing how a certain behaviour makes you feel and an agreement about how to let them know if it happens again without making it a big thing.
• A friend knowing what you heard someone else saying about them, but them not taking it personally.

Once you are clear of your intended outcome, imagine the conversation ending successfully and trust yourself to say the best thing to make it end well.

Start the conversation by acknowledging how you feel

Once you get to the point of talking, start by saying that you feel a bit awkward or uncomfortable and that you appreciate them making time to talk. Tell them straight out what you want to tell them.

Rule of thumb: start every sentence with "I" - for example, "I think..." "I need..." "I feel..." "I heard..." Then ask them what they are thinking and feeling. Listen.

Validate how they feel by saying that you can imagine (or are not surprised) that they feel like that.

Tell them what you'd like

Now's the time to reveal your intended outcome in a way that makes it clear how you'd like to resolve the issue. For example:

• "I'd really like to work out with you a way to leave my job and help find a good replacement before I go."
• "Now you know how I feel, how could I let you know if it happens again without making it a big thing?"
• "I thought you needed to know I what heard, but I want to make sure you don't take it personally."

Then ask, "What do you think?" Listen.

Negotiate

By definition negotiation is uncertain. It's when you "try to reach an agreement or compromise by discussion with others." (Apple Dictionary) Rule of thumb: ask for more than you want and be prepared to settle for less; or offer less than you want to give and be prepared to give more.

(For financial negotiations, one formula I've heard is to work out what something is worth, double it and add a third. You can then afford to negotiate a 50% reduction but still be guaranteed a 30% profit.)

The key principle, I think, is to be open that the outcome will potentially have benefits and costs to each party. But if both of you are generously assertive, you're most likely to reach a workable agreement or compromise.

Be prepared to talk again

You may not reach agreement first time round. If not, don't sweat. "Pause" the process and make a time to talk again.

Clarify and appreciate

Once you reach agreement, make sure you are both clear about your understanding of it. Repeat it to each other. Write it down if necessary.

End the interaction by letting the other know how grateful you are of their willingness to engage in a difficult conversation. Affirm the value of your relationship.

Celebrate: shake hands, high five, hug or kiss

Just make sure it's role appropriate.

In the unfortunate event that you can't agree...

I'd recommend you state your bottom line and say that you're sorry you couldn't agree. You may find this post useful.